I would have wound up on `Oprah.' Overnight, they would have found some way to kick me out. There's one thing Bean realized: He couldn't tell the world he was gay and continue to play ball. Why? Is it all about money? Is it about fame? Do I have such a lack of self-esteem that I can't be myself in the real world?' And I thought, I'm fighting to stay in this environment. That day when I played that game, everybody was joking around about this girl and that babe. The death of my friend made me so cynical about baseball. 'I told myself that if it ever came around again that I found somebody, I would sacrifice everything for that relationship. That's when Bean vowed not to let baseball get in the way of his life again. So that same day, I played a baseball game at 1 o'clock.' At 7 a.m., he died right there in front of me.
I rushed him to the hospital at 11 that night.
